garbage boy

I am [[a garbage]] boyy

i am [[sweaaatyy]]

it's 2 pm and I've been [[awake since 10pm]] yesterday

I was supposed to take my meds but fuck it, i'm not bleeding yet. maybe [[when the nightmares start]] back up i'll panic and inject

ive [[got problems]] with ym body. [[it's not a bad body]], it's a good bodrt. but ive got pronelsm with it.

listen though, i [[i gotta admit something]]

[[several thousand problems]]

but [[it's not a bad body]] really actually it snot bad

ive been racist in the past, i think. I think about things i thought and said as a kid and I think "WHAT possesed me" but i know [[it's not posession.]]

it's my own doing, you know. i was 100% in control of myself. and that's why i [[clawed at my skin]] and ripped off my whiteness (or i tried) and slid into the acid pool of other people's hardship.

i sit still, i look to my side and over people are under [[the surface]]

i hold my hands open, they have dollars in them. the dollars came from my blood, and sit on my [[melting muscled]], exposed but antibacterial

i want you to be happy. i see you punch a nazi and i am happy. but not [[satisfied.]]

im hungry for trees. im voracious for the woods. i want to feel [[tree bark]] roll across my skin, splitting my pimples and scraping my hairs away.

i want to spear myself on the spearhead of evergreen trees. i want to [[hang limp from the boughs]] by a climging rope

i want to roll through the earth like a worm, destroying crops and shitting my way around [[rocks and gemstones]]

i see a pink mist in space and i think how innocent, how calm, and then [[she is a razor.]]

i use the razor to [[trim my beard]], i have gone so long wiothout shaving im starting to [[chew on my mustcahe]]

mowing the lawn, trimming the hedges, becomeing accustomed to the [[Housing Authorrity]] bitching about grass ehight, like im out there with a ruler like I'm mesaureing blades, the blades on my skin.

its tastes good, like a spiderweb caught on your arms as you walk between vehicles. how did the spider get so fast. i was just there last night. they have so much energy into [[fidnign a home.]]

but of course then they have to deal with the [[Housing Authorrity]]

i want to suck on candy, i want to hit and air bubble and have it split my tongue. I want to be a lizard person with ping pong balls in my head to make it look like i'm growing horns, like a [[juvinile dinosaur]] turning into an adult or vice versa..

i fall into the tar pit. I am [[a garbage]] of fossil.